The Star Wars Phenomenon

 

Recently, in the bustling metropolis that is Omaha, NE, people have been flocking by the gross to the movie theaters. At many times during the day the parking lot is completely full! ("Completely full, or not empty?" the philosophers would ask us. I would ask the philosophers to go watch a long movie.)

Why are so many people flocking to the theaters now? I will tell you: because it's summer. Also, in Omaha there is no beach. Or palm trees. So people watch movies. Really. They also eat.

But seriously, a big reason people go see a movie is because they think the movie they are going to see will be a good movie. After all, why did people flock by the gross to Cardinals games? Because they thought they might be able to catch a Historically Significant home run ball! And then sell it and make lots of money! Hmmm, maybe that was a poor analogy. Ok, why do millions of Americans attend fireworks shows on the Fourth of July? Because people like big, explosive things! Also the really cool ones are more often than not illegal for civilians (Civilians, after all, have difficulty interpreting the more complex directions for the really cool fireworks -- "LIGHT FUSE AND GET AWAY").

I appear to be failing at finding an adequate analogy to explain this lemming-like behavior, so I will ask my editor for help.


ME: Can you help me?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: Why are so many people going to the movie theater?
EDITOR: They want to see "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace."
ME: Is that a movie?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: Have you seen it?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: I think that name is too long.
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: Do you think it is a good movie?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: What makes it good?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: What?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: Um...
EDITOR: Oh, sorry. I have been studying hypnotism in my spare time, and I guess I hypnotized myself.
ME: Quite alright. Do you have any thoughts about this movie?
EDITOR: Which movie?
ME: The one with the long name.
EDITOR: Oh you must mean "Mean John McQueen And The Case of The Suddenly Disappearing Rodents."
ME: Is that an actual movie?
EDITOR: Yes.
ME: Er, don't start that again.
EDITOR: Yes. Ha ha! Just kidding.
ME: I mean that Star Wars movie.
EDITOR: Oh! Yes, I know which movie you're talking about now.
ME: I asked you if you had any thoughts about it.
EDITOR: None.
ME: NO thoughts?
EDITOR: Nope.
ME: None at ALL?
EDITOR: Absolutely zilch.
ME: Come on! Of course you had thoughts.
EDITOR: I was practicing my self-hypnosis at the time. I thought I was Elvis.


Well, there you have it, folks. An authoritative review of "Star Wars And The Case of The Phantom Menace." I think.

Hey! Lemmings! That's it exactly! There's my analogy!The Compendium

© 1998-2021 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019
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