Shamu

 

It has come to my attention that there may be a small faction within this school which wants to place a picture of Shamu in the yearbook. Yes, the very same Shamu that is encountered at Sea World. Apparently some idiot took a picture of Shamu, and she thinks she is really cool but she's not.

There are several reasons we should NOT include Shamu in the yearbook. For one thing, he does not attend Central Christian, even though he is a whale. I doubt our principal would even consider allowing a whale to attend here. He would probably say something similar to: "What? A whale? You're kidding, right?"

It is highly doubtful that any large sea creature could survive outside of Florida. He would have to arrive along with a sizable amount of ocean. We would have no place to put this ocean, and would probably end up dumping the whale and the ocean into the Platte river.

If Shamu decided to attend Central Christian as a correspondence school, that could possibly work. But so far Shamu has displayed little interest in attending school of any sort. So far he has eaten every school he has come across. Of course, these schools are often schools of fish, and not educational establishments. Most schools are built outside the ocean.

Another good reason NOT to place a picture of Shamu in the yearbook is that we would be sued by at least 19 different environmental groups.

There are more reasons. Among them, Joy is dumb. Also, Shamu eats fish, which would lead to many more environmental groups suing us. At least 46 more of them. The food chain has always been a big source of conflict for those trying to preserve the environment. The habits of carnivores are directly opposed to environmentalist causes. But so is starving the carnivores. Poor environmentalists. Oh well, they still get millions of dollars monthly from suing everyone.

Also, what about lawyers? How much money do they get? The sad truth is, more than the environmentalists. And why? Because they take 95% of all the money the environmentalists make from suing. Just because they helped the environmentalists sue people. The environmentalists could win by themselves, because all the judges are environmentalists too.

What would be funny is if an environmentalist actually left his manmade house and was eaten by a carnivore. For example a killer whale. Like Shamu. Who is NOT going to appear in the yearbook. I'm not giving any lawyer MY money.The Compendium

© 1998-2021 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019
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