The Ten Greatest Men of My Era to Date

 

I occasionally say nice things about people in my column. If you are one of those people who is shocked and aghast each time you hear me do this, then the following warning is for you.

WARNING: This particular column is a sincere compliment to ten of the world's great men. This means that there are several compliments in the SAME ARTICLE, possibly exceeding three. Do not proceed further in this article. If you are experiencing chest pain or shortness of breath from just reading this warning, call your physician immediately.

Here are, in order of greatness, The Ten Greatest Men of My Era to Date:

1. Jimmy Stewart. There's no disputing this one. The undisputed King of Actors.

2. Bill Gates. Anyone who can drop out of high school and then get so much money that the government gets nervous has to be on this list. I compliment him on his marketing an excellent bunch of software, and although I can never get the actual thing to work, I'm sure he's working on it.

3. Bob Costas. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is Bob Costas, King of the Anchors. And by "anchors"- well, you know what I mean. This is rather similar to "King of the Actors." He has done the Olympics for a great many years, which makes him very great.

4. Denver Pyle. For those of you who have never heard of Denver Pyle, he is the actor who portrayed Uncle Jesse in the hit TV series "The Dukes of Hazzard." Everyone liked him. Even Sheriff Roscoe.

5. Kenny G. Here's the Bill Gates of the jazz music world. He has sold more albums than everyone better than him. Combined. Which is really amazing.

6. Ronald Reagan. Here is a man who did his job well. Three cheers for national defense! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

7. Dave Koz. He is on this list because his third album is one of my favorite CDs.

8. Rudolph Giulianni. Now HERE is a man we should all look out for. "Why? Because he comes from New York?" you might say. No. "Because he cut crime in New York?" you might say if you are more educated. No. Because here is a POLITICIAN who - read this carefully - APPEARED ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE!

9. My Editor.

10. Bill Clinton. And finally, the President of the United States. It's a tough job. He just edged out John Tesh, who also did the Olympics.

I reserve the right to change this list suddenly and without notice.The Compendium

© 1998-2021 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019
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