1998 - The Year in Review
by Adam Patton
1998, a year that had some reviews.
As you may have guessed from my title, the square root of 236.9 is 15.391556126. You may wonder why this number is important, but the square root of 236.9, or "Bob Dole", as it is known, has been chosen by the Association of Varied Computer Programmers and Math Teachers which Had Not Yet Begun to Calculate (AVCPMTHNYBC) to represent 1998. Having said this, the relation to "Bob Dole" and his "reviews" becomes obvious. It sums up the year so completely that nothing more needs even be said. But if we weren't to say anything about "Bob Dole", we would have to sit here and continue being bored in our C++ II class, so we will, in fact say lots of stuff.
"Bob Dole" started off as many years do, with the month of January, containing the so-called, "New Year's Day" which follows an amazing night of drinking and carousing, called "New Year's Night of Acting Like Idiots." For Members of the Central Christian School senior class of 1998, "January" began our last semester of high school. Certain members of the aforementioned class by this point had already learned bubble sorts and two dimensional arrays, which was pretty much useless seeing as we are learning them again as we speak. But aside from the waste of time learning things, it was a good semester.
Other things happened as well, as things are wont to do. In February, the annual holiday of St. Valentine was celebrated as a fund raiser for the Junior/Senior classic. A highlight of this week was the song Brown-eyed Girl, sung by Van Morrison, that was sent to Zach Bardon by Adam Patton, who later declared it to be his (Adam's) theme song. Adam was not at all mocking Zach (really) on Valentine's Day, he just liked the song and didn't have a girl to send it to.
Speaking of girls, boy did Matt Gustafson have many of them! He had so many, the term "Matt Gustafson" became synonymous with "having many girls." The highlights of Matt Gustafson's girls were Danielle Summers, who seemed to be continually rubbing him, and Jessi, whom Matt met on a Chicago trip, and decided to spend the rest of his life with her. By the "rest of his life", I mean, "the rest of his life in Omaha," which by the way, would be a good name for a band.
Aside from "Matt's Girls," which would be a really interesting band if they ever got together, yet more things happened in "Bob Dole" We are by now up to March, or July, depending on which story line you are following. Nothing worth mentioning happened in March, at least not that we can remember. It may be that by this point we were dulled into a deep stupor by the rigors of attending class at least 40% of the times they were held, and forgot all the interesting things that happened. Sometime in this year, Bill Clinton had or didn't have "sexual relations" with that woman, Miss Jes.., i mean, Miss Lewinsky. This is an ongoing controversy, in which high class reports have been written about it in such publications as your local Penthouse.
Later on in the year, Junior/Senior Classic occurred, a formal "Prom-Like" event, except that there was no dancing, which leads directly to pregnancy, as we all know. This "Classic" did not, however, stop people from getting "screwed over" by their friends or classmates, if you know what I mean.
Then on to more interesting things. A trip to Chicago. Another trip to Chicago. Summer. Then people left for "college," where they learn all sorts of interesting things, like stuff they've known since they were about 7. Also they had to register for classes, which can be difficult in and of itself.
Well, that pretty much sums up the year. Bob Dole was fun, and also had great writing and a good supporting actress. Vote for it in the Academy Awards. It sure deserves one. As does the best movie made in 1998, Star Wars, coming to theatres in May 1999. Make sure to see it. I'll be the one in the front row with a lightsaber.
© 1998-2021 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019