Bylaws of the Tuesday Lunch Group

Preamble

All Founding Fathers being resolved as pertains to the necessity of forming and ratifying a Means whereby a codified methodology of conduct can be established, the following stipulations or bylaws are to be adhered to, even affixed to, by all members included under the auspices of the said Tuesday Lunch Group. The aforementioned bylaws are a requisite portion of maintaining membership, and said bylaws, together with the Tuesday Lunch Group Oath, comprise the whole part of the basis of authority within the Group.

Section I: General Knowledge

Article 1: Concerning the Founding Fathers, the proud history of the Tuesday Lunch Group holds as its esteemed Founding Fathers four distinguished men, these men being, in reverse alphanumeric order, Timothy T. Miller (Tim Miller), Benjamin D. Finder (Ben Finder), Michal M. Bryc (Michal Bryc), and Zachary S. Bardon (Zach Bardon). No slur or libelous word directed at or referring to these men may escape the lips of a Member, unless said Father has done any of the following: missed a Weekly Meeting, broken a bylaw, said something "sarcastic" or "mean," or overfed Log.

Article 2: Concerning Membership status, a person may be accepted as any degree of Member, with any rights or privileges determined and conferred by the Founding Fathers. Some member types are set: Voting Members have full voting rights and must be present to ratify anything, Unnecessary Voting Members have full voting rights when they are present, Nonvoting Members, though still revered Members, do not have voting rights. A person may also attend a Group Meeting as a Guest.

Section II: Requirements of Membership

Article 1: Concerning attendance, all voting members have concurred, their resolution being that attendance at all Meetings is mandatory. Only in the event of an individual's death may that person opt to be absent from a Meeting. Late arrival is forgiven, but it is highly probable that, should a person arrive more than ten minutes after the designated time, that person will be "censured."

Article 2: In the event that life, excellently playing the role at which it excels -- that of pitcher -- throws you a knuckle ball, and you just plain can't for the life of you hit the durn thing, or in other words, a member finds it necessary to miss a Meeting, several actions may be taken by said individual to remain in the Members' good graces, these being: the individual may give advance notice to a Founding Father directly, and can provide a suitable explanation if asked; the individual may give advance notice to another Member, who will explain the circumstances to the Group when an explanation of the individual's absence is demanded. Should the individual fail to perform either of these actions in time, he or she may opt, afterwards, to "grovel," but this will still produce "censuring" at least, more likely a Review.

Article 3: Concerning talking, membership in the Tuesday Lunch Group demands that each Member play an active role in the Conversation of the Group. The act of being "funny" or telling a "joke" is a noble one, and is to be encouraged and occasionally mocked.

Section III: Conditions Causing Termination

Article 1: Concerning Reviews, there are several conditions that will lead to a Member being placed under a Review by the Council of Founding Fathers, these conditions being: the individual has thrice broken a miscellaneous bylaw, the individual has unapologetically insulted a Founding Father, the individual has skipped a Meeting with no advance notice, or the individual has been "really stupid." The Founding Fathers will hold a Founding Father Forum, at which the Member will be discussed, and the future status of that person's membership determined.

Article 2: Killing Log will result in instant termination from the Tuesday Lunch Group.

Section IV: Readmittance

Article 1: Concerning readmittance to the Tuesday Lunch Group after dismissal, an individual desirous of procuring once again his or her membership with the Group may, after 10 days probation period, submit a request to a Founding Father. The Fathers will hold a Founding Father Forum and discuss the individual's membership. If readmitted, the Member's status is effective immediately.

Section V: Miscellaneous Bylaws

Article 1: Circumambulating should, whenever possible, be performed and likewise revered. Circumambulating is a sign of a committed Member.

Article 2: Voting procedures for fish. In the event that a Voting Member is also a fish, the following shall be the method whereby said fish votes. When the fish is asked a direct question, its answer is determined by the next thing it places its mouth upon. If it is gravel, the fish's answer is "No," if it is a plant, the fish's answer is "Yes." A fish may change his mind, so asking the question several times is occasionally necessary.