How to Talk Good

Lesson #5: Utilizing Higher-Echelon Words, Part 3

A Cursory Guide to Lingual Enloftment

3. Four Principles of Word Superiority

Now that you understand how basic word substitution works, we will now provide four important principles to aid you in your selection of high-echelon words, to assure that you can learn to distinguish those words which are truly the loftiest choice. We have herein given the principles in order from most to least enlofting, so if you find yourself faced with a choice between two words, where one adheres to Principle #2 while another follows Principle #3, you will know to select the former.

Principle #1: Tertiary Beats Secondary Beats Primary

Lesser-known definitions of words are to be preferred over the primary definition. While some low-echelon words such as "run" or "set" have a significant number of common definitions, many words have secondary or tertiary definitions which are not well known, and thus make the optimum choice as a lofty word.

We should take this opportunity to point out that any writer serious about enlofting his writing will put in the time with a dictionary. Even should you read all the enloftment guides in the world (albeit to my knowledge this is the only such guide), nothing will help so much as a thorough knowledge of the English language. If you cannot sincerely echo the words of the late actor Eddie Cantor ("For me, browsing in a dictionary is like being turned loose in a bank"), you may as well quit this endeavor.

Still with us? Well then:

Principle #2: Inserting Foreign Languages

Macaronic sentences, as a rule, sound erudite. Utilize them regularly. The following languages are to be preferred, as they all boast a tradition of being closely associated with scholarship:

• Latin
  Examples: e.g., i.e., cf., circa, per se, modus operandi, as per, et al.

  Utilizing Latin is of course the best way to instantly enloft your writing. Latin has a very long history of belonging in the highest class of words. At some points in history, this was evidenced by the fact that only the highest classes of people even knew it!

• French
  Examples: par excellance, vis-à-vis, entrée, entréz, et al.

  Many French words are acceptably scholarly for inclusion in higher-level writing, particularly when discussing high-class food. One exception is the word "buffet", which due to many unfortunate associations actually lowers the level of one's writing.

• German
  Examples: Gestalt, Zeitgeist, Ansatz, Schadenfreude, Sitz im Leben, Weltschmerz, Leitmotiv, et al.

  German has a good footing in academic circles (particularly psychology and theology), but be careful to avoid Nazi-tinged words like schnell, Kampf, blitzkrieg, Reich, Luftwaffe, et al.

Languages to Avoid Utilizing

• Spanish - generally, you should avoid Spanish simply because even though currently some of the world's best wine and music comes from Spanish-speaking countries, to most Americans (one of the world's premier consumers of English-language writing) Spanish is more closely associated with mariachi and Spanish TV, both of which are awkward in the company of wine and good music.
• Asian - Asian is also to be avoided because it is just too foreign. Westerners cannot understand it. It uses a different alphabet. It is a rabbit that has strayed a bit too far beyond the picket fence. The problem is worsened by well-meaning writers who misspell or misuse Asian words in their writing (e.g. "cyonara" for "sayonara", or using "banzai" -- part of a phrase "tenno-heika banzai!" meaning "long live the Emperor!" shouted by Japanese warriors in WWII -- to refer to a bonsai tree). Even if you know the approved transliteration methods, chances are 95% of your readers will not, and so will discredit your writing.
• Another reason to avoid all the above is due to these cultures' penchant for ridiculous game shows and/or overly dramatic TV dramas.
• Russian and other Eastern European languages which use the Cyrillic alphabet are also to be avoided, for the same reasons one should avoid Asian.
• Portuguese - The average person cannot distinguish this from Spanish.
• Hebrew, Arabic, Sanskrit, Hindi, et. al. - These are right out, unless the word you are using has gained enough acceptance to appear in unabridged English dictionaries.

Principle #3: Obsolete Beats Archaic Beats Current

This principle is in many ways related to Principle #1, and you will find they often overlap. This is due to the primary definition of a word being superceded by a more modern (and, increasingly, more vapid) meaning as the language changes over time:

"The living language is like a cow-path: it is the creation of the cows themselves, who, having created it, follow it or depart from it according to their whims or their needs. From daily use, the path undergoes change. A cow is under no obligation to stay." -E.B. White (1899-1985)

Thankfully, modern dictionaries view it their lexicographical responsibility to provide us with former and even obsolete definitions for a word. Some even helpfully label these staid old meanings with "archaic" or even "obsolete." Of course, it should be obvious to you at this point which is best. Many times you can kill two principles with one word, so to speak, because obsolete definitions are seldom primary definitions, unless the word is itself obsolete.

Principle #4: Prefix- and Suffix-Generated Neologisms

Creating new words by inserting a prefix or appending a suffix is guaranteed to intelligencificate your writing. We have coined several such words in this guide -- e.g. "enloftment." You will not find it in any dictionary (at the time of this writing), because we ourselves created it using the meaning-changing prefix en- and the verb-nounizing suffix -ment. Of course, as we began with the word "lofty," we perforce removed the original -y ending. As you acquire skill in appropriately applying prefixes and suffixes, such logobatics will become second nature to you.

Closing Remarks

And there you have it: four principles to guide you as you seek to create writing in the upper echelons of authorship. But before we send you off into the greater world, we must emphasize three final important points:

• Specific principles have broad application. All of the ideas we have herein presented, with regard to word replacement and word selection, apply not only to individual words but also to phrases, and to larger concepts such as sentence/paragraph structure and even overall compositional approach. We leave it to you to discover how to apply these ideas on the larger scope. It's best to start small.
• Read literature. Aspiring consciencious writers must, in addition to reading the dictionary, read plenty of literature. Do not merely read "books." Books gain you little; literature gains you culture. Particularly read old literature; in this manner you can garner an understanding of many useful secondary/archaic definitions.
• Never say "Introduction" or "Conclusion." The high-echelon terms are "Introductory Issues" and "Closing Remarks."

And now, we commend you to the world at large. Consider yourself armed and dangerous: armed with the knowledge necessary to write in high-echelon style, and dangerous because you are armed with only knowledge but not experience. Naturally, it behooves you to set about acquiring the latter posthaste.

To expedite your journey, we offer the following semi-advanced principle by way of benediction:

Advanced Bonus Principle: Polycompound Words

Utilizing what we like to call "polycompound words" is another trick guaranteed to provide enloftment. Polycompound words are basically phrases that became so singularly identified over the years as to be condensed into a single word, e.g. inasmuch, notwithstanding, altogether, hitherto, forthwith, et al. In many cases these compound words are no longer valid if broken into their individual components (e.g. "al be it"; "al" no longer carries the meaning that it retains when used in the polycompound word "albeit").